She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
as a side note pls kill me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
