Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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