i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
