this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
