i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
