Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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