My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
