Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
