Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
