omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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