A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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