why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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