I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
