i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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