i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
