Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have already put on my inside pants.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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