we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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