A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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