FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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