TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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