A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
