this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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