come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
