Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
