can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
