Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
