So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
