Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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