i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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