We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
