you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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