Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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