1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
