You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
