awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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