I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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