Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
