I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
