Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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