I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
