Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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