Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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