If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
