shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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