Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
