Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
