You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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