allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
