if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
