Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
