I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
