Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
