Plan B is the new Plan A
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
