you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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