He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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