im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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