"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need to stop coming to work sober
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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