You really coming over, don't trick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
