I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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