i was born a porn star she said
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
