I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
