I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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