Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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