No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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