While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
