i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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