if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
