Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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