So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
