hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
