my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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