I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
