you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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